Ode to Krampus 2013

Open the front door you Gloomy Gus
The chimney ain’t no place for Krampus
Let others have their gifts and cheer
Krampus brings you whips and fear

Krampus will avenge you for a life so rough
and punish those who think their tough
Krampus feels your swollen tears
and whips those bullies on their rears

Krampus armed with a whip and horns
a drooling tongue as sharp as thorns
punishes the wicked on Christmas night
to the downtrodden’s earthly delight

Those who are not on the list of Ol’ Nick
may receive the gift of a Krampus lick

Ode to Krampus

On Christmas eve some may hear the chime of a distant bell
and others may hear a sweet Yule-time carol
But, a few will hear the clatter of the cloven hooves of hell
as their greed has put their mortal flesh at peril

The Krampus stalks his prey this very night
and He will mete out justice on the looters
His feral eyes will see those he must smite
seeking out the evil users and polluters

Drink your brandy and smoke your cigars.
You will tread on your fellow man only so long
Boast of your earthly treasures in your swanky bars
The Krampus will gladly teach you right from wrong

Serve your fellow man everyday
and avoid the beast best known to flay

English: Krampus at Perchtenlauf Klagenfurt
English: Krampus at Perchtenlauf Klagenfurt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse in Style

This is my entry for the Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse in Style contest at Topless Robot (link) ***UPDATE*** I lost the contest and didn’t even rate an Honorable mention. I guess zombies and lame poetry was a bad idea.

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse in Style Sonnet

The most important part of my survival plan
would be to act as smooth as the Dos Equis’ man.
Who needs that old paper bachelor’s degree
when a silver plated pistol can make a zombie pee.

A fortified library would become my castle home,
while sniping zombies as they roam.
I’d eat caviar and the best of whatever,
hell people, even Twinkies don’t last forever.

A redheaded beauty on which to dote
an ugly looking dog and a fast power boat,
we would travel to my private island away from the zombie infestation.
Come on people even survivalists need an occasional vacation.

If you can’t live life fearless and with a little style,
is living at all really worthwhile?


My silver coins sounded like rain as they fell into the fortune-telling machine
and my heart ached to solve the mystery of my missing dear Colleen.
Huginn, why are you so mute, and Muninn, why are you so silent?
Why was Colleen taken by that so cruel, malevolent, and violent?

The mechanical swami whirled and drew a single card.
I thought that I was ready for anything but I was taken off guard.
My mystical answer simply read, “Love overcomes fear.”
Alas, my answer was not so crystal clear.

My quest to find my beloved continued unabated
among the deformed creatures, and the desecrated.
At last I found my dear Colleen, her body was distorted
no longer did she look like the woman that I had once courted.

I will not leave her though our life together is austere.
I now understand the meaning of “Love overcomes fear”.

Red wine and rainwater

Behold the remains of some sweet Mother’s daughter,
who was beguiled by a being with old-world charm.
Like a lamb who was led to slaughter,
she was ignorant of her impending harm.

Now her remains decay among the rattlesnake weed.
To the rest of the world, she is missing.
Her fanged predator had to feed.
A heavy price for kissing.

Rain squalls pass overhead,
and nature claims her bones.
The world doesn’t stop because a girl is dead.
silence of the stones.

A single goblet filled with red wine and rainwater sits as her headstone.
Lament the missing who’s whereabouts are unknown

Two-toed Tom

Deep in the swamps beneath the green spiky palm
lived the legendary alligator called Two-Toed Tom.
Some say he was a large gator and nothing more
but the beast left a bloody swath in Florida filled with gore.

The old-timers tell us of a red-eyed hell-demon curse,
and it’s victim’s fortunes changed for the worse.
A cruel steel trap took three of Tom’s toes
and the gargantuan beast took revenge on his foes.

The reptilian behemoth survived Pap Haines’ dynamite and fire
with mayhem as the reward for it’s horrible ire.
No man or beast was spared from Tom’s slaughter
not even the life of Haines’ innocent granddaughter.

Fear not Tom’s historic red-eyed glint
but look for signs of a two-toed gator print.

Gothic Easter Sonnet

The ebon shade went hop hop hop
it’s bloody maw dripped plop plop plop
dispersing eggs of vile ichor hue
his dark intent you misconstrue

This seasonal surprise is no reward
it’s fearsome panache is most abhorred
pitch black pelt and glowing red eyes
it’s gothic style you will surely despise

Close your eyes and imagine the best
think not of the souls that you sought to repress
absolve yourself of the sins you’ve committed
twist your scriptures to find you acquitted

The beast was not conceived by some black art
bur created within your own unaffectionate heart

Sonnet: The end is nigh

The end is nigh
or so proclaim the ghostly crows.
Cawing a goodbye
as the hunters find anonymous repose.

Though sought for, the phantoms remained elusive
as did the specter of fortune and fame.
Empty hands proved most conclusive
and the darkness could not cloak their shame.

What will be the fate of those who spoke with ghosts,
who’s pride soared with ebony wings,
and who’s arrogant banter was filled with mighty boasts?
Only now to feel humbling stings.

Do not caw goodbye for the failed seeker, oh inky rook.
But, caw goodbye for those of us who never look.

A Drink With My Red-haired Gypsy Girl

Though the midnight wind howled in an unusual fashion,
and I was clawed by cruel branches and burl.
My heart pounded with fear and passion,
and I struggled to find my red-haired gypsy girl.

The moon was fat and the vast dark woods tore at my flesh.
Despair gnawed at my soul and my vision began to swirl.
I longed for her touch and for our bodies to mesh,
I desired the sweet, lingering kiss of my red-haired gypsy girl.

Her mood was a gloomy melancholy as she offered me drink and cover.
She showed me her new trinket, a luminous pearl.
Could that be the same one that I had given to another lover?
I was thunderstruck to have been poisoned by my red-haired gypsy girl.

He wandered to her camp in hopes of getting a little tipsy,
but I caution you dear reader to avoid the cup of a jealous Gypsy.

Happy Valentine’s Day

A steampunk love sonnet for Valentine’s Day.

My Brassy Steam-powered Girl

Her hair is the color of molten brass, Hephaestus would be jealous.
She moves with a smooth cool grace though powered by hot steam.
Clockworks spin within her and my focus is quite zealous.
I can not help but notice that her lights are all agleam.

I pray thee steam-powered girl, may I enquirer of your make and model?
Her voice is melodious as she answers so sweetly and demure.
Love has quickened my heart. I’m unsteady and start to toddle.
I wonder if my condition is serious, but I do not want a cure

Eros has started my clockwork heart.
I have found my steam-powered companion.
The secrets of our love I shall never impart,
but they are deeper than the deepest canyon

At last, I have found someone made just for me,
for a clockwork heart, love is the key,

%d bloggers like this: